A year and change ago I had an idea – I was going to create a blog. Genius! I know. Well, I was in an emotional state – in dire need of money and I’ve been watching various other blogs “make it big with money” so I thought … why not me?
A year and some change ago I decided to create a blog. It was the best and sometimes the worst decision so far. Now, don’t get me wrong – I love blogging. But I feel like I have a lot of love/hate relationships with it.
I was naive to think that I could 1. Make any kind of money right off the back as well as 2. Find people who would simply enjoy my day to day rambles.
Plus off the fact was that I really had no focus nor niche as one would say. I had an idea and I took that idea and ran towards the hills with it.
I stumbled a lot
Originally I was going to produce a lot of Pinterest fails in cooking, DIY, and other things… but yeah that never happened. I couldn’t find my camera as well as I didn’t have any extra money to spend on the startup costs.
Which, was okay because it gave me time to get my shit (so to speak – sorry for the language) and figure out just what I was going to be doing.
I’m not that funny (well besides my own mind) and I stink as a storyteller. Plus off – I couldn’t find the battery for my camera. So that option was out.
It just changed one day
Then out of the blue, there was a fluid like change. It was gently turning the writing and giving it a focal point. Started to write about my day to day experiences dealing with my own mental health.
I talked about going through anxiety – dealing with it as well as when I’ve had some bad days I’ve talked about those too. I know I haven’t written much about my depression. That’s a lone wolf that sometimes I’m too scared to poke at.
You see – depression (for me) has always just been there. Just seeping under the surface of things and showing its ugly head when I’m already anxious.
Not many people talk about mental health
It still feels very much like a stigma at times. We don’t talk about it – or show that we deal with it. We all get anxious at times or feel sad. But, there are those that constantly deal with those challenges and still rise above it.
I’m still scared to talk about some of my darkest days – the times that I was put in the hospital for self-injury or when I took too many pills with a whole bottle of vodka. (I still to this day can’t handle vodka that well – too many bad memories.)
So, why did I start blogging?
In the end of it all, I wanted to find a voice. I constantly deal with social anxiety – or general anxiety and because of that, I end up living a lot of my life in my head. Blogging in a way was being used to find people who went through and are going through what I went through.
I think the most particular point is that I want to not be scared anymore – I want to share with you all my side. I want someone to not look at me with pity because I still have the scars today.
No, I want my story to show and for people to be aware so that perhaps one day – they could save another who is going through what I went through.
I started blogging
To share with the world that mental health is important. You shouldn’t look at someone who deals with Bi-polar, depression, anxiety, eating disorders or any other disorder out there like they are broken.
I’m not broken. I never was – I just function on a different level than most people do.
It took me a while, but I think I’ve found my own way. I’m happy and the depression only hits a quarter of as strong as it used to.
I’m not broken. I deal with severe anxiety and depression, but that is not what makes me – me.