I’ve talked a bit about anxiety before this… mentioned how it is to love someone with anxiety as well as talked about what anxiety feels like to me. But I haven’t really shared with you the day to day struggle that sometimes cripples me.
Hello, I’m Chel – and I have major anxiety.
To be honest I don’t know when exactly that I was told that I have anxiety – I just remember always having it and always having to deal with it. It was a major reason why I was pushing away from my friends when I was younger. I always cancelled plans at the last minute or worse – never showed up and had them call me.
It was excuses that no one wanted to hear and after a while, the invites slowly stopped coming. People stopped asking me to hang out with them because they knew most of the time I cancelled. I wasn’t fun – or was too much for them to deal with because of the manic behavior that I had when I would be there.
Perhaps it is the fact that I now know why it is that I do what I do – or because I’ve found a collection of people who understand me… but I feel safer in my skin (for the most part).
But it all trickled into having a major anxiety attack and being left to pick up the pieces.
We moved – or have been moving for what seems like ever.
The stress of that plus not really feeling like I had my own space to just be me I kind of been a pain in the rump to Travis. My anxiety was getting the better of me and I was lashing out (big time) to him. Not real fights were had, but moments where I kept venting or was in a constant state of “bitchiness” was clear to him that something wasn’t right.
He did what anyone would do in his position. Tell me to get my act together and go see the doctor because clearly, my coping techniques were failing me. So I did. After many tears at the office, I came out with a plan of attack… medicine for now as well as therapy sessions.
Now that we are moved in and I have my space again I’m in a better frame of mind again.
Moving blows. To any and everyone that does it – you know. Nothing was wrong – it just with the extra stress of EVERYTHING my anxiety got the better of me.
Tears were shed and ugly snotty cry faces were giving. But, we stuck it out. Travis tried to help but felt that this time around it was more than either of us could handle. Which there is nothing wrong with.
Sometimes you need a little extra help and you shouldn’t feel ashamed for getting it. The medicine has made a big difference dealing with the extra hiccups that have happened while moving. The stress of money leaving our hard earned pockets and constant changes in our schedules have had me all out of sorts. But, now I feel better. Ready to tackle on the day… and ready for the new upcoming school year to bring.